10 Common Gay Dating Obstacles and How to Overcome Them
We all know how difficult it is to date and meet the right guy, which is why when you meet someone you truly care for, you can’t let certain obstacles get in the way. Yes, of course, if the differences between you two are too large, the relationship isn’t going to work out. But often times, we give up prematurely. Here are 10 common barriers that gay couples encounter, as well as ways to overcome them.
1. You differ in level of “outness”
When you’re dating someone who’s not out to their family, friends, coworkers (or any combination of), you, yourself, become re-closeted. You become worried about what you can and can’t post to social media. You start to feel insecure. You begin living your life like you did when you were a closeted teenager. You cannot date someone who is closeted for a long period of time. You need to tell your partner thising out to his family is terrifying, but he will need to do it. They may reject him completely, but who knows? They may not. Or, they may come around to him years later. The false relationship that he currently has with his family isn’t real. It’s a relationship founded on lies. He needs to come out to his family in order for you to be with him. Give him time, and give him support, but make it clear to him that coming out to his parents in the future is non-negotiable.
2. You have different work schedules
One of you is a bartender, and the other of you has a classic 9-5. That means by the time you get home from the bar, your man is fast asleep, and by the time you get up in the morning, he’s already off to work. This just sucks. What this means is that during the weekends, or the days you both spend off, you’re going to have to really relish the time you have together. If you’re someone who likes doing everything with your partner and being with him 24/7, this relationship won’t work out. But if you’re more independent, than this relationship-style might actually be ideal.
3. You’re not the most sexually compatible
Now this can mean a number of different things. One of you is into kink. The other is more vanilla. You’re both bottoms (or tops). You have a mismatched sex drive where one of you wants to have sex twice a day, and the other one is more than satisfied having sex once a week. This relationship can still work (although it will be tough)! The best solution may be to indeed open up your relationship. If you’re not interested in that, you need to make some compromises. Have sex (more or less). Or try topping even though it’s not your thing. You also will have to realize that the sexual component of your relationship won’t be the most fulfilling. You both have to be okay with that.
4. You dislike his friends
Oh, this one is really tough. I’ve dated guys who have really catty/nasty friends, and it confuses the living hell out of me. My partner will be so kind and caring, yet he surrounds himself with these bitchy queens whose personalities I find toxic. When this happens, you have two options. One, do your best to deal with them and try to avoid seeing them as much as you can. Honestly, I don’t think this is a strong option, and at some point, I think it’s inevitable problems will arise. The second thing is, and I know how difficult it sounds, is talk to your partner about it. Tell him the reasons why you don’t feel comfortable around his friends. If they’re bitchy mega fuckbook, odds are, he knows this, and it doesn’t bother him. But if it bothers you, he won’t be annoyed. This way, he won’t feel hurt or rejected if you tell him you don’t want to go out with him and his friends. He’ll know it has nothing to do with him. And when he goes out with his friends, you’ll have time to spend with yours.